My M.O.

My mind really does wander to some strange places. But I don't share them. Mostly I think people don't want to hear it. What do my opinions matter after all. Besides no one likes to be preached to, no one appreciates unsolicited lectures. So I keep it light, I keep it mildly boring, rather than psycho over analytic.

In doing this, lately, I realize how much I filter. Not just my words (mostly, not all), but my actions. And I can't remember a time a time in my life when I didn't do such a thing. I'm not here trying to figure out why. After 30 years of it, there's no more mystery, and I am not going to sit here and say "oh woe is me I have to change, how can I change?" I went down that melancholy road before. In fact, open any journal from 1996 to 2003 and they all pretty much started with that exact line. And clearly an empty book doesn't respond. So I can't help but ask myself instead what purpose reflection or introspection serves at all. It doesn't provide any new information, and refraining from simply sharing one's thoughts inside rather than sharing them with the outside world leaves no chance, what so ever, for them to be acted upon.

It's like how they say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results. New ideas are great, but if all one does is write about them, they will not change a darn thing. Writing the same complaint, about the same discontent, will not make that discontent go away. It will not ease one's mind to dwell on things that can't be changed, or worry over judgement or fear. I have always admired those people that can just live in the moment and be exactly who they are, approach those they want to meet,  initiate the action plan without the insecurity that the idea won't be met well.

So I guess my point in this little blurb is to clarify another goal for myself.  A little less talk, and a lot more action. There are many things I say I want to do, and I may have very good intentions, but I am also an excellent procrastinator. And sometimes even a lazy ass chicken. Other times I think so much about what I want, that I wind up talking myself out it.  I think my general rule for 2012 is to be out there, not just waiting,  make it happen, whatever "IT" may be.