Not Even the Trees

Some days you just get in one of those moods. You know the one I'm talking about, where you just hate everything, and everything seems to suck and will continue to suck, permanently. Then the next day, after you're over your mini pity party and self loathing misery fest you wonder why you couldn't see it the right side up all along.

 I hate those days. The day after I mean. I have a point on the day things seem to suck. I am focused on the details that need to be changed, on the things that aren't so pretty, the truth. And the next day it's like nothing ever happened. I forgot the whole point and I will go back to pretending everything is all hunky dory, fixing nothing, dooming myself to repeat the cycle a couple weeks or months later, over and over again.

Today was fine. The evening was fine. The girls and I actually got a lot accomplished. But on my way home I realized everything sucked. I could have made a list. I was enjoying my drive home, singing away, perfectly alone, no one asking me questions or giving directions, no ringing phone. Just comfortable solitude. I almost hated to see I was nearing home.  Nothing special brought it on, but my mind wandered away from the music in the car,  it all hit me. And I found myself thinking:


What exactly is the problem? What should be different, do I really want that? How can this be fixed? Who can help me fix this? People don't really want to hear your shit when your in this mood. And truth is no one can help you, if you can't help yourself. This is probably the way it just will be... I'm hungry... What a waste. What am I really trying to accomplish? Just need a game changer.  I wonder how that would go... Just go, yea, just go for it... God, this guy cannot drive... Decide already; so you can get to work. I need to put in the time...  no more running around every weeknight... seriously, buddy, you don't need an invitation to turn right. Ahhh, home...


Then I got home and watched some TV, laughed my ass off until I forgot all about it. I made no plan to think it through, vent it out. I came up to bed and well, things may suck right now, mostly because I am rehashing it, but I'm sure tomorrow I'll be blissfully unaware of why we ever had this talk. Figures.